Scriptures

For the last 2 and a half weeks I've been sick again. This time was a doozie one. Lots of pain. Lots of trips to different people trying to figure out what's wrong with my body. Feeling frustrated once again because I fell off the ladder again, and this time it was further down then I've been in a very long time. One night about 2 weeks ago I went to read my scriptures. I felt like I needed to look up health and related topics and read those scriptures instead of my normal reading. I came across one in Alma 46:40. The last part of the verse says, "because of the excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases, to which men were subject by the nature of the climate." Then another one in Doctrine and Covenants 42:43 where in the middle of the verse it says, "shall be nourished with all tenderness, with herbs and mild food." Those two scriptures really hit me. I felt like I needed to start researching herbs more. For the next few days I did some reading, but not much. It's hard to do anything when you're in pain and feeling sick. Last week the feeling came again to go and buy the ones I had researched. So I did. For the last 4 days I have felt so much better. I've been able to eat food again. I'm gaining a little bit of weight back. My trial isn't over yet, but I am being helped through it. My Heavenly Father loves me and is helping me. It's been extremely hard and it might get harder. For now I am so grateful for the health that I have and for the inspiration that came to help me.

Confrontations

Confrontation, it's a word that makes some people cringe and others it doesn't bother. For me, at least I thought, it was a word that didn't bother me. When I was in college and I had a problem with a roommate I would go and talk to her. I didn't have a problem with it. I like to speak my mind, in a nice way of course. I liked to talk about the problem, solve it, and be done with it so we could move on. Well this last year I've had a few horrible, terrible, make my soul shrink confrontations with a person. It was so bad in fact that I would get, and still do, anxiety attacks just thinking about having to talk to this person. I've prayed and prayed to have love and understanding for her. Help so that I can communicate with her. Anything I could do to make it better, I prayed for. Well twice this past week I've had to talk to her. The first time my blood starting pumping and I could start to feel the anxiety coming, and then it was a pleasant conversation. She said what she needed to. I listened and reflected. She understood my side of it. Things were just fine. It was almost a weird feeling. I was more that just a little thankful for it. Then tonight another conversation took place. My blood started pumping, but not as fast as it would in the past. I listened and reflected and she didn't understand. I talked calmly trying to help her see that I understood and then tried to say my side. Then when I thought that things were going to take a turn for the worst, the person who was there listening stepped in. He helped her to hear what I was trying to say. He helped her to understand my side of it. I am so extremely grateful that I was helped. I know it was divine intervention. The stress alone from trying to communicate with this person has almost been unbearable. So to have someone tonight rescue me was a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. He knew I needed the help. Now I see that I need to pray that I can communicate better. I need be able to say things so that what is in my head will come out of my mouth, with kindness I hope. I know I have a problem, and I'll work on it. And right now I'm just thankful.

Watching Over Me

President Spencer W. Kimball once said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." I know that to be true. I gained a testimony of that when my health problems first started. I was watched over so well by Heavenly Father through those around me, and I let them. It was very humbling and a huge blessing not only to me personally, but also to my family. So why is it that now when I need help is it so hard to ask, to think about asking, or even let people help me?
Yesterday was not a good day for me. I woke up at 2:30 am with extreme pain and it continued for the rest of the day. After about 5 hours I finally brought myself to call my dad to come over and administer a priesthood blessing. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day. I had so many things on my list of stuff to do, and I knew I was in no shape to do hardly any of them. Then my mom called and didn't ask, just told me how she was going to help. Then my dad said what he was going to do. One of my friends moved her life around to help me. My sister called me later and solved yet another problem. Even though I didn't ask or even think of asking for help, my family and I were taken care of. Heavenly Father truly does watch over us. He carries us through our trials of learning and experience. I am reminded of what President Thomas S. Monson once said, "Don't postpone a prompting; rather, act on it, and the Lord will open the way." I don't know what I would have done yesterday if my family members and friend hadn't acted on what they thought they should do. I am extremely blessed!

Remember

As humans we are far from perfect. Like I said before it was extremely hard and very humbling for me to submit to God's Will for me and my family. As a human I continue to struggle inside myself. I have to keep reminding myself of the peace that I've felt lately. The peace that comes when you say to yourself, "Let go and Let God". He really does know what is best, and like I've said before who I am to argue with him. Sometimes I wish I didn't have the voices in my head that tell me to doubt, that tell me that I know better. He knows better, not me. So once again I can see how important it is to remember. Remember the answers that have been given. Remember the peace that has come. Remember that God does love us and He does want what is best for us. Remember all the times that that has been true. Remember is a very powerful word.

Teaching

After posting yesterday I was thinking about the difference in my home. There have been so many wonderful opportunities to teach the gospel to my children lately. Last Monday for family night we talked about, "Miracles come to those who have faith". Then Tuesday morning when I was reading them a story out of the Friend Magazine it was on Daniel and the Lions den. I was a little taken back at how well the two went together. The next few days there were little moments here and there with more stories and chances to teach. It was a wonderful feeling being able to teach my children that principle of the gospel. A nice tender mercy from my Heavenly Father.

Lesson Learned

The spirit has been much stronger in our home this past week. I had almost forgotten how much I love that peaceful feeling. I function so much better with it. I never want to be without it again. It was a panic feeling trying to get it back after my feelings of anger. I am so thankful for the lesson, there truly is opposition in all things.